LYRICS: Colorful Paradise

(Verse 1)

You shatter through reflections unto
The smoking chamber emptied into
Your downpour of silver onto
The earth beneath our hurt

I become oxygen
And you take my carcass away
To waste away the broken glass
I’ve spoken that’s all you should know
But sorry is a-

Bloody sword, right in my home
And we’ve become inseparable
Silence is my valentine
Carbon I will sew inside

My lungs I’ve stitched together
From shards of little faith
And every single prose of mine
Is dirty with your taste

(Bridge 1)

We have crossed the misty light
We have locked the ground inside
You’ve embraced my lonely haste
And I will now erase

(Chorus 1)

The cracks in my mind, in the skin of my
Rationalized lack of whole, sometimes I
Cut my soul, sometimes I
Don’t bleed at all
You touch my life, strip me down to the
Final rhyme, the death
Rows of your paradise, your colorful
Paradise, colorful
Paradise

(Verse 2)

Lessons were brought inside the
Loneliness of green removed
And reason knows what I cannot try
To burn into the blue

Light washes over me
And I’ve slept my carcass away
Oxygen has broken, spoken to the pain reopened
Nitrogen and flesh unspoken

Below, comprehension
Has failed to understand
The chemicals of life denied
Grains within my hand

I sow within, your ash of dawn
Acts of mine frowned upon
By those I’ve held on for so long
Weakness has become so strong

(Bridge 2)

I know the hollow symphony
Reverberates inside the tree
I planted deep inside of me
Dissolve the roots painlessly
Now hurry, allow the time not
To save me from the lie I’ve brought
Upon the sparks you’ve spread throughout
Morning, noon, the night comes out

I can’t erase
I can’t erase

(Chorus 2)

The cracks in my mind, in the skin of my
Rationalized lack of whole, sometimes I
Cut my soul, sometimes I
Don’t bleed at all
You touch my life, strip me down to the
Final rhyme, the death
Rows of your paradise, your colorful
Paradise, colorful
Paradise

(Epilogue)

I’ve become flesh and bone
Sunlight kissing your final throne

 

9 + 9 + 9 + 9 = 9

You are hopefully confused right now.

Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in between, pens and paper out because it’s time for a math lesson! Booooo yes, yes I know you’re all groaning right now and I may have lost a few followers already. Honestly, who writes about MATH? Just trust me on this, if you stay with me for a few more seconds, you’re gonna be unpleasantly surprised.

First thing’s first, let’s clear up that title.

9+9 = 18 (Check with your calculator.)

Now if you take 1 and 8 from the number 18, and add them together, what do you get? Why yes, that is 9 you’re looking at!

But what happens if you add 9 thrice?

9+9+9 = 27

And the addition of 2 and 7 is…

2 and 7 make 9 by winterwolfsden winterwolf2094
Just to be sure.

Hmm, that is odd. Are we seeing a pattern here?

9×4 = 36 | 3+6 = 9
9×5 = 45 | 4+5 = 9

What is going on here? Let us add 9 to itself, say 17.5 times.

9×17.5 = 157.5 | 1+5+7+5 = 18 | 1+8 = 9

What in the world? What narcissism magic is this?

Back in 2015 I was experimenting with numbers (as one does) and I found these reduced numbers really fascinating. The rule is simple: simply keep adding the digits of the results til a single digit number is achieved.

What else did I find?

Ooh boy, just wait. Things became very trippy.

I’m Still Here

I had never given a thought to what would happen should we ever incur her fury. As I lay covered in dust, surrounded by concrete, deprived of light and shackled by a broken limb that I had taken for granted, I began to count down to what may very well be my final hours.

***

What the hell…

I was contorted. I had made to get up and disentangle myself, only to crash headfirst against solid concrete. My brain hammered against the walls of my skull and I had no choice but to wait for my impaired sense of balance to regain composure. My senses were diffused within one another: the dust was audible, the silence stung bitterly in my mouth and the darkness dug its nails deep into my skin, refusing to let go. I shut my eyes tightly and attempted to focus on each of my senses. Involuntarily I flexed my hands when suddenly a jolt of pain raced across my left arm. I cried out and grasped it with its counterpart. There was no mistaking it; my arm was broken and in the darkness I had absolutely no idea how bad the damage really was.

What was going to be my next move? Being blindfolded would not have made an ounce of a difference there. I was imprisoned within obscurity and my thoughts drifted away to my family. I missed them so much at that instant but I did not dare think of the earthquake’s . My family was alive. I knew it. After a moment’s hesitation and indecision, I had begun to push forward in the obscurity. I had begun to walk. My entire body ached and a tinge of pain ran up my broken arm, but I had no intention of stopping. Moments later, I became heavily aware of my shoes scraping roughly against the ground, a sound I had never really taken into consideration before. I wondered if there was anyone else present in the glare of what was unknown. There was only one way to find out.

‘Is…is anyone out there?’

My voice echoed through the stone cage and reverberated back to me. I waited a few seconds only for silence to embrace me once more. Disappointed, I let out a sigh. My thoughts were ready to drift away again when…

‘Hey…a survivor, yay…’

My ears perked up like a wolf during a hunt.

A survivor.

I pushed myself forward.

***

It’s funny how the mere presence of someone else can do wonders for us during times of loneliness and desperation. In the midst of familiar people, that very same person would just be another face in the crowd.

And when you’re both trapped within walls of stone, that lone person could very well become your strongest emotional crutch.

***

‘Man, is it good to see someone else around here,’ I heard momentarily, ‘well not really see see, but you know what I mean.’

The sounds of my unsteady footsteps were probably what alerted him of the close proximity of my presence. The source of his voice did not come from anywhere near my height, though. He probably had a broken leg.

‘What’s your name?’ I inquired, ‘Is there anyone else here who’s alive?’

It felt bizarre, looking down at nothingness, talking to a random stranger even.

‘My name? Well, it’s pretty complicated in my own language,’ he chuckled uneasily.

Own language?

‘But,’ he continued, ‘You can call me Noor. It’s what all my friends call me and for the time being, you’re the only friend I have.’

He chuckled again. I could not comprehend how he was laughing in the midst of our current situation. If anything, joy was miles away from being an adequate emotion to be present at that moment. Quite impulsively, I called him out on it.

‘Well…’ he answered, carefully elongating the single syllable, ‘I don’t think being sad is gonna magically drill a hole through these rocks. It’ll only make me feel bad. So might as well laugh a bit, right?’

What? There really was no proper response in my mind for his train of thought.

‘Right…’ I sighed. I decided to slide down against the wall and onto the ground beside him.

‘What’s your name by the way?’

‘It’s…’

Hold on. I turned my head to face him. Something was wrong. Now that I was sitting on the floor, his voice should have come from a similar height from my perspective. Yet, once more, it came from somewhere much lower than the height where my ears sat.

‘Oh my God…’ I managed to mutter.

The sickening realization washed over me like a hundred insects scattering throughout the skin on my body.

‘Noor…you can’t stand up, can you?’

‘I…guess not, no,’ he said quietly, ‘not anymore.’

This man was being crushed by a pile of concrete. And there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him.

***

Once in a while you’ll find yourself in one of those situations where you have no choice but to step back and re-examine…everything. I’m talking about situations where things like money, plans, petty wants and the rest of their friends withdraw themselves back into the unnatural state of being ‘human.’ What you’re left with is so innately beautiful, yet upsetting; so wonderfully enchanting, yet repulsive.

I felt the solid, broken crust of the debris that had fallen upon my unfortunate companion. I had no idea who he was, or why fate had chosen him to lay restrained under stone. I recall being washed over with the feeling of being powerless for the umpteenth time that day.

I got back on my feet.

***

‘Stop now, please!’ said Noor, his voice growing more worried than agitated, ‘I know your intentions are pure but you and I both know there is nothing you can do for me at the moment.’

I was exhausted. My fist, palm and shoulder burnt red from attempting to dislodge the boulder. Deep down, I knew that he was right. No amount of forceful pushing and aggression could help him. Without any other option, I allowed gravity to usher me to my knees; a hopeless posture. The same posture that is, rather poignantly, used to pray; to ask for help.

As if God was going to help.

Once more my thoughts were seeping away into the murky realms of the unknown but this time, I did not bother bringing them back. Fortunately, I had a man trapped under a boulder to do that for me.

‘Thanks for trying though.’ he chuckled again.

Just what the hell was so funny to him?

‘Yeah,’ I replied half-heartedly, ‘It’s…it’s alright.’

I slouched back against the rock beside Noor.

‘I still don’t know your name though, mister,’ he piped up.

I lolled my head to one side, staring at the darkness where his head lay.

‘It’s Adam.’ I said, after some time.

‘Ooh, like that guy who sings?’

‘What?’

‘Come on, you’ve probably listened to his band’s music and don’t remember it right now! I’ll Bluetooth some of their songs to you…after I get myself out of this mess that is.’

‘Alright.’

I didn’t know what drove him; I failed to understand why he wasn’t worried about the fact that his legs were shattered bits of bone and meat. All I could do was nod and agree, nod and agree.

A few painful seconds of silence carried us forward.

‘Why aren’t you upset?’ I blurted out before I could stop myself, ‘you’re the victim of an earthquake, you’re being crushed by a massive chunk of boulder, you have no idea if you’re going to make it out alive or not and even if you do, you’re gonna live the rest of your life stuck to a wheelchair! Why aren’t you complaining about the…unfairness of it all?!’

My voice echoed loudly through the hollow chasm. It cut through the emptiness that imprisoned us. Then, as if to rectify the distortion of man, the deafening silence washed over us once more. It felt chilling, invasive almost, to have that kind of utter stillness penetrate your awareness.

It took a bit of time to realize that I had more or less just shouted at a complete, handicapped stranger, who, by then, had not even graced me with a response. Guilt pierced through me. I had begun wondering whether or not I should apologize for my behaviour, when he spoke at last.

‘It’s because I’m still here.’

A jolt of emotions raced along the length of my spine and spread throughout the rest of my body. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and goose bumps rushed across my skin in frenzy. Where guilt had been residing was now replaced by absolute astonishment.  I had absolutely no idea how to respond.

I remained silent. What else was I supposed to do?

I wrapped my arms around my legs and hung my head low. I was really hungry…and tired…and sleepy…

***

My head hit the ground with a resounding thud.

‘Ugh…’

‘Whoa, what happened? You okay?’ chirped Noor.

I pushed myself up with my unbroken arm.

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I replied, nursing my head, ‘Fell asleep and I ended up losing balance while I was sitting.’

Silence again.

‘Hey,’ he piped up, ‘Since we have so much time to kill, how about we introduce each other properly?’

‘I suppose I don’t have anything better to do.’

I could almost feel a grin break out across his face.

‘You first!’ he said, ‘Who are you and what drives you?’

I was about to scratch my head (ouch my arm). Who was I?

‘Well,’ I began to reflect, ‘My full name is Adam Lestrange. I grew up in this very town and graduated with a degree in computer science and engineering. I used to work here in this building before…well, you know.’

I paused and took a breath.

‘Wrong answers!’ Noor suddenly exclaimed.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Where’s your passion? You sound like you were assembled in a factory and then tossed to work for this company like a fax machine!’

‘Well I-‘ I thought hard, ‘I…love football-‘

‘The one where people actually kick a ball around a field?’

‘Yeah that one-‘

‘Good, carry on.’

One would think he had no idea of the gravitation of our current situation, judging by the way he was talking.

‘I have actually loved the sport ever since I was eleven,’ I continued, ‘My dad was amazing. He used to play with me every day, no matter how tired he was from work. I guess I never truly appreciated that, you know.’

I stared off into the darkness.

‘Is he alive?’ Noor asked.

‘No.’ I said quietly, ‘I just realized that I haven’t visited them in a while. I suppose the last time I’d done it was two years ago.’

‘Ah…’

As excruciatingly cheerful a person as he was, even Noor did not have a reply.

‘Tell me about your mother?’ he asked at last.

‘Well she was a normal, down to earth person I suppose,’ I began, ‘Didn’t really have a job, but took care of our basic household work.’

‘She was a lovely person just for being able to do that,’ Noor piped up, ‘I never had someone like that, so I had to learn a few things the hard way.’

My interest was piqued.

‘Tell me more.’ I asked.

He cleared his voice (a bit overdramatically perhaps).

‘I’m Noor Ibn’ Jabbar,’ he said, ‘And yes, I know it’s a strange name: my parents were from the Middle East so I hope that offers some explanation.’

‘Right…’

‘I was raised in an orphanage,’ he continued, ‘Mother and father had both been killed when I was young, so I didn’t really know them. I’ve heard people say lovely things about them though, so if nothing else, I have in my mind a pleasing image of what they were probably like.’

I nodded as a sign for him to carry on, realizing the flaw in that action much later than I would like to admit.

‘I hope you’re not feeling sorry for me,’ he chuckled, ‘on the contrary of what most stories would like you to believe, my home was not a living hell. Miss Delmare was a wonderful mother in her own right. Being able to raise so many children by oneself isn’t an easy task, you know.’

Wow, he actually sounded quite serious for once. I was impressed.

‘You must have been a handful.’ I piped in.

‘Yeah well, back then, there was a somewhat lack of big boulders to pin me down, so…’

I had half an urge to laugh and half an urge to stare incredulously at him for his distasteful joke.’

A few seconds of silence.

‘…it’s alright, you can laugh,’ said Noor.

Here I was, trapped in my office, hugged by walls of concrete, sitting next to a half dead man who was laughing at his own misfortune. If nothing else, the dry laughter that followed was sprinkled with a small amount of insanity.

‘There we go!’ he exclaimed happily, ‘It’s good to laugh a little.’

And so we laughed. I had no idea why, but for the next hour or two, I poured my heart out to that man. We talked about anything and everything, from strange mollusk creatures to new age spirituality. I learnt about his adventurous school days and of all the detentions he used to land himself into. He heard the stories of how I was mistaken for looking like a drug dealer a rather alarming number of times. I acknowledged the beauty in his name, which translated in Arabic to ‘light.’ He chuckled at the coincidence of how my name has roots in Hebrew which more or less means ‘earth.’ I found out that I discovered more about the human soul in that short amount of time than I had done in my life so far.

We lost track of time. Soon, I realized that energy was a scarcity we took for granted. With no food or water being promised to us anywhere in the near future, we had to go into ‘energy conservation’ mode, as Noor would like to call it. Days passed…or was it a few hours? My eyes were itchy and my entire body ached, though from laughing or from the fall, I could not discern. I dropped to the floor. This was all probably just a vivid hallucination, a very distinctive dream.

***

My eyes were itchy and my entire body ached.

Well that was a new feeling. My throat felt like it was coated with sand. I needed water. I got up from the floor drowsily. Head spinning in the darkness will, to this day, still be one of the most unusual feelings I have experienced albeit not one I will miss.

‘Hey Noor, you awake?’ I asked softly. I waited a few seconds; apparently he was still sleeping. I guess I would just wait for him to wake up then.

Seconds rolled by. Minutes drawled by. Hours dissolved the vicinity.

How long had it been?!

‘Noor!’ I exclaimed, a sudden sense of urgency kicking in through the pain, ‘Hey, come on, wake up!’

I groped around in the darkness and found his matt of hair.

‘Come on, Noor,’ I tapped his head urgently, ‘I need you to get up and talk to me, buddy.’

Panic raced through my beaten and battered system. No, no, no. Noor was there; I knew he was still there. He had a ton of rock sitting on him and so he was just more… more exhausted than I was, yes. That is why he was not waking up as soon as I had. Yes, he was just tired. He was just…

…gone.

I could not take it. No. Every little bit of anger, frustration, fear, fear I had stored within me burst out and I screamed. I screamed so much. I did not care that I was going to rot in here for the rest of my life. Noor did not deserve it. He did not. He was an amazing human being and he was going to get out of here and go hug miss Delmare and tell her of how he met a stranger in the darkness, and how the stranger had brought him so much light during those few hours.

What?

No, that was me…he was the stranger. He made my last few hours some of the best ones I had ever spent with another soul.

He didn’t have to die.

I guess that was when realization finally took hold. I buried my face in my dirty, rugged hands. My head was buzzing terribly. I hoped that death would welcome me home soon. The buzzing seemed to grow.

And it got louder.

I looked up, alert. That was not buzzing; it was the noise made by a drill.

No sooner than I had understood that, a small chunk of rock flew out from the wall nearby and life engulfed the entire chamber. I shielded myself. I covered myself. I felt naked. I was blind. There was no life outside of here…was there? I turned my head to the side and opened my eye by just the tiniest fraction. All I could make out was a mass of curly hair and a face sleeping peacefully, almost as if it was smiling.

‘Is anyone there?’ A deep voice called out.

‘I…’ I stammered, ‘I…I’m still here.’

‘I repeat, is anyone there?’

The world became blurry once more.

‘I’m still here…’

 

LYRICS: The Chosen Zeroes

We are not fighters, we are not the chosen ones
We are just doing, what needs to be done
We are not heroes but, legends are made this way
We’ll strike a thousand times, for a thousand days

Get up, come on, put your suits on
Get up, come on, raise your weapons
Get up, come on, stand beside us
Walk beside us, fight beside us

Get up, come on, give me your hand
Get up, come on, here we now stand
Get up, come on, we’re no heroes
We’re the chosen, the chosen zeroes

We dare to dream and, we dare to cut you down
We dare to scream and, let the wolf go out
We’ll read through the lies, see through disguises
You’re a puzzle not worth a dime
Come pick a fight, we dare you to try
You’ll be back and blue by the time we’re-

Get up, come on, put your suits on
Get up, come on, raise your weapons
Get up, come on, stand beside us
Walk beside us, fight beside us

Get up, come on, give me your hand
Get up, come on, here we now stand
Get up, come on, we’re no heroes
We’re the chosen, the chosen zeroes

 

LYRICS: Downfall

I’m tense but I will stand my ground
Won’t run away again
Don’t care if I win the war
My shattered life I will mend

I’ll pick up my weapons
If everything I dread
Comes charging straight for me
I’ll charge right ahead

Call my name one more time
Say my prayers, I will fight
Before my downfall
Before my downfall

Blood dripping, my vision blurred
The pain flows through my veins
Stumble down, kicked around
This isn’t over yet

I’ll get back on my feet
There is something I must do
I’ll fight through the silence
To reach you

Call my name one more time
Say my prayers, I will fight
Call my name one more time
Say my prayers, I will fight
Before my downfall
Before my downfall

Call my name one last time
In this war, we will rise
Call my name one last time
Rise my friend, we will fight
For their downfall
For the downfall
Into the downfall
We’ll rise above all

LYRICS: Winter

Why do you worry? I am right here
Why do you feel empty? The cold is so near
I’ll be your winter

Child do you see them, fall in your hands?
Snowflakes and colours, they smile in their dance
They smile in your joy

Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself
Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself
Take all the cold has to give
Promise me child you will live

I’ll be your winter
I’ll be your winter
I’ll be your winter
I’ll be your winter

Open the pages, read through their words
The friends who have taught you to let go of your hurt
Show them your scars

Run through the snow field, run through the night
The day has been woken, run into sunlight
Run into its arms

Tell me you won’t hurt yourself anymore
Tell me you won’t hurt yourself anymore
Open your heart to the world
Open your heart, it’s your turn

It will always be winter
It will always be winter
It will always be winter
It will always be winter

And we will take you home
And we will take you home

LYRICS: Fall Onto Me

Outside of the house there
Is so much to feel
It all looks so broken
Is it all up to me?
I search for the answers
Where do I start?
I search for the answers
As the world falls apart

Time can you stay here
I haven’t yet grown
Can you sit here beside me
I have miles left to go
The Road, it speaks to me
‘Son, do you know?
The path you have taken
You will walk alone.’

It falls onto me
To help anyone
It’s all up to me
To pick myself up
Fall onto me
Help me get up
It’s all up to me
To help everyone

The road breaks apart
But not into two
I stand there so fearful
Which path do I choose?
Time doesn’t wait for me
I must move on now
Life closes my eyes
I must see somehow

The Road it speaks to me
“I will soon be gone
The choices that make you
Can’t bring you home”

It falls onto me
To help anyone
It’s all up to me
To pick myself up
Fall onto me
Help me get up
It’s all up to me
To help everyone

The road now leaves me
Here an old friend stands
He reaches out to me
A broken watch on his hand